Tag Archives: parenting

Motherhood. IT’s CRAZY!

I originally wanted the title to say “Parenthood” but decided that it is the mother that is the crazier one and hence, changed it to “Motherhood”.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my little pumpkin so much and never felt that I walked down the wrong path.  But it is nonetheless madness.

Also don’t get me wrong about my hubby.  He chips in to look after the baby and house (and me) a lot and is still the best husband in the whole world…. but… ah well.

Why am I blogging today?  Cos I had 1.5 days of vacation leave earlier and this is my 3rd day on leave.  I have had the chance to avoid the hectic workday schedule to sufficiently rest not only my body but my mind as well.  And obviously, my kid and husband are elsewhere, not needing my attention long enough for me to blog 2 posts in a row.

Why do I say that motherhood is crazy?  Cos it simply is!  People say that keeping my full time job will keep me sane.  I don’t know… i feel insane anyway!!!  There is TOTALLY no “me time”.  Totally.  At work… it’s about work.  At home, it’s about baby.  Free time?  Only when I take vacation leave and still leave my baby at parents’.  But in actual fact, most of my vacation leave is used for baby Dr visits or to catch up with housework.

What else drives me crazy? My husband’s definition of DANGER for baby is different from mine (or probably not part of his vocab at all).  He says “if everything in the whole world is dangerous” (his paraphrase of my words), our baby need not do anything in life.  He says it so coolly and matter-if-factly and with this… this… stage-presence gesture of his one arm and baby in the other arm… it drives me madder.

Please help me be my judge if my words to my dear husband are true/false:

  1. Don’t throw her up in the air in our home – she is growing taller (and getting closer to the low ceiling AND ceiling fan).
  2. Never rub your stubbly unshaven chin on her tender baby skin.  It hurts even on my old thickened skin.
  3. Never give your kids small items to play.
  4. CATCH HER if you can when she is about to fall!
  5. Don’t give her tissue paper to eat!!
  6. Never give your kids plastic bags or the likes to play with!!!  And yes, that includes pocket-sized tissue paper packets!!!!
  7. Don’t let her watch violent movies!!!!!
  8. Don’t bring her shopping for violent games!!!!!!!

uuurrrggghhh!!!!

Motherhood.  It’s crazy!!!!

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Disclosure (tips for my family and family friends)

One of the very common questions we get when people find  out that our daughter is adopted is… “Are you gonna tell her?”  Our resounding answer is “YES!!!”  Some respond encouragingly and some worryingly warn us against it.

Those who told us to cover up or tell her when she is grown believe that she is likely to leave us for her biological parents if we told her.  But they do not realise that it does more damage – broken trust and greater hurt/pain that takes way longer to heal in an adult than in a child… teenage years are probably the most precarious years.

For family and close friends reading this… please view this as a fact of my baby’s life that she has nothing to be ashamed of.  Start her young so that she does not get a shock later in life when the truth becomes harder to cope with.  Do not lie to her else trust between you and her will be broken and multiple lies by multiple parties will leave her confused.  Be gentle and careful with your choice of words.  Good intentions when expressed wrongly can do more harm than good.  There is no need to deliberately talk about this with her.  She could just blurt out questions to you at any time.  Keep it natural and age-appropriate.  Do not be secretive (which implies shame) but keep it private (no need to go around making declarations to Tom, Dick and Harry when they didn’t ask or need to know).  “Blood is thicker than water” is a popular saying but we all know that it is love that makes a family.  When unsure… feel free to refer her to her mummy and daddy for the answers.

She also may never bother with or be bothered by her origin.  Every person is different so we will just go with the flow.

Last but probably the most important thing of all…  love her like your very own. 🙂

Some terms to use or not to use…

WRONG: Mummy and daddy are not your real parents.

RIGHT: They are your Forever Mummy and Forever Daddy.

WRONG: Your real parents gave you up for adoption.

RIGHT: Your biological/natural parents had to put you up for adoption.

WRONG: Your real mother.

RIGHT: Your tummy mummy / biological mother / first mummy.