Have you ever heard of this phrase? Hurting people hurt people.
People who feel hurt within themselves tend to inflict hurt on other people… innocent people… people who never did them any wrong. And many times, the hurt they have within themselves fester there because of… themselves and their sick desire to remain that way.
And what pains me even more is when they hurt their immediate family members, especially the young ones, who, in turn, hurt others. And the curse continues down the generations until there are no more offspring or one or all of them decide that the curse ends with them and cuts all such ties.
It is unfortunate that such people are more common than we really know.
One encounter comes to mind and it was at an old folks’ home where I served with at-risk children I befriended. The children came to spread some Christmas cheer with such innocence and some even with genuine eagerness. Yet, we met quite a number of nasty old folks who yelled nasty things at us no matter what we did. Fortunately, there were really nice and warm folks as well. And for some unknown reason, our children had only kind responses even to the nasty old folks. Overall, things happened pleasantly even as some old folks grumbled unhappily all the way.
I think the nice “grandmas” and “grandpas” sort of gave the kids a perspective of our mortal life which made the kids leave the place a little bit more mature (and some even in tears).
Then there are the sporadic encounters on the streets. You might walk past them from time to time. Recently, an old lady was blocking a passageway and I softly requested for her to “excuse me” for me to get past. She told me to “Get out of here! Get lost! Excuse me, excuse me?!?!” It was as if I had done her such wrong. I just quietly left her. I can only imagine all the bitterness she must have harboured in her soul over the years.
I’ve also seen how a person hurt by whatever, now still feeling very easily hurt and appears to desire hurting others. Her behaviour is very unpredictable and can be quite extreme (by my own standards, that is). She appears to find joy or relief in hurting other people. She also appears to be hyper easily offended even over the most innocent and harmless happening. That is… not only does she feel offended by people’s innocent words and actions, she even feels offended by incidents and ties the incidents to people she thinks are offending her.
She may profess to love others, especially her own children, but I seriously doubt she has grasped true love. Her child exhibits similar traits and jumps at every opportunity to get another child, whom she is jealous of, into trouble. And there is this almost sick-like pleasure she seems to get when the other child feels hurt by her.
In order to get the other child into trouble, she is willing to lie, act innocent and even whisper things into that child’s ear to make her do things the other child would get punished for. So much so that I don’t even know how to correct that child, especially when I know the root cause is not coming from the child herself… albeit the wrong seed planted in her is already a seedling.
To hurt the other child’s feelings, she will simply give the cold shoulder when the other child wants her attention.
I know the child is not really aware of what she is doing. She is only acting out what she has learned from her role model at home. She is a hurting little girl who is hurting someone else to ease her own pain.
How do you help such a little girl before her seedling becomes a young plant and even into a tree that becomes scarring to uproot?