She is coming to 11 months now and has undoubtedly captured the hearts of her 4 grandparents and even our neighbours.
During the 9 months or so that she was with us, we have heard people say “sorry” or “oops” when they found out she was adopted. We have received advice to “try for your own” cos “having your own child is different”. Or, heard comments that people who have adopted tend to conceive biologically afterwards. This comment is meant to be encouraging but really… it isn’t… and… unnecessary cos we are not discouraged in the first place!!!
I’ve also heard of older generation whispering to their friends and relatives that she is “carried over” (literal translation of chinese dialect for crude description of “adopted”).
The latter hurts. Do you point and whisper to your friends and relatives when a mother with her biological child walks by? “Hey, that one is her biological child.” Anyway, the hurt ain’t too bad. It just seemed really crude.
What really angers me is the former – when people indirectly say that she is not my child or think that we think the same as them (i.e. it is disappointing or shameful to not have biological kids).
Biological child or not, she is our very own. Adopted or not, she is loved.
I will hug and kiss her every morning when she wakes and every evening before she sleeps and at anytime in between. When she is naughty, I will discipline. When she falls, I pick her up. When she is happy, I’m elated. When she displays new developments, I bask in the moment. When she is dirty, I clean her up. When she is hungry, I feed her. When she is bored, I play with her. Everyday, I pray for her to be strong, healthy, safe and a beautiful person. Although I do not have a biological child to compare with, but I’m sure I would have done and felt exactly the same.
With each passing day, I take a little longer than before to recall where she came from. I only think about it when I have to fill in forms because the adoption process is still not completed. If not for the adoption paper work still underway, I could have forgotten already.
For those who are still “sorry” about couples who are not able to conceive or think that biological children are superior to or more loveable than adopted ones, please reconsider the meaning of family and love.