When life is beautiful, you can’t help but break into song.
It was around this time last year that I thought I had lost my faith. I once again wondered the reality of the existence of a God; even doubted if anything supernatural existed. For months, churching and cell grouping was an external act of blind unbelieving faith.
Some people call it the “dry season”. But my dry season was sometime in mid 2008 till recently. My “dry season” would refer to times when I believe in Him but cannot live in Him.
In times when I totally doubt his existence (e.g. during first half of 2008), I would prefer to call it the “worldly season”. I once again felt what it was like not to have God in your life.
“Once again?” you ask. Yes, once again.
The last time I was “in the world” was back in 1997/8 – around that period – whereby my analysis of the various sister religions (i.e. Judaism, Islam, Catholism and Christianity) made me decide that there was no real God.
This time round, I think it was my need for surgery, coupled with my career successes and other happenings in life that triggered me to wander off again. I could depend on myself. So many unbelievers are “successful” without a faith or religion too, aren’t they?
Indeed, I could. But it’s just different without God, our Father. The good times you have with people, all the laughter, the good that you do and the successes you achieve all do not seem to have any real meaning. At the end of the day, when all things quieten down, you seem to settle into a dim and musty void… and this void will accompany you till your next activity such as your work or a gathering with friends, etc.
I missed God. Sparks of wisdom that came from within me are just different from the sparks of wisdom that came by supernatural means. The latter is just so unexplainable! But I must clarify that both types of sparks all come from God. The former spark comes from built-in intellignce (wired into your biology by none other than Mr God), the latter is modular, coming directly from God in the Spirit.
I missed Him enough to start to ask him every Sunday to do something about it. I wanted to sit with Him and watch TV together, never mind if we had nothing to talk about.
I think He did come and sit with me to watch TV today. Cos today, I turned around and noticed His awesome presence and we talked… in Spirit and in Truth.