Be Politically Correct

Abortion – Near-Life Experience
Dead – living impaired
Fat – person of substance
Wrong – differently logical

She does not wear too much makeup, she is cosmetically oversaturated.
She is not too skinny, she is skeletally prominent.
You do not ask her to dance, you request a precoital rhythmic experience.

He does not: Get lost all the time He discovers: Alternative destinations
He does not: Fart and belch He is: Gastronomically expressive
He is not: Short He is: Anatomically compact

You’re not shy. You’re “conversationally selective.”
You don’t talk a lot. You’re just “abundantly verbal.”
Kids don’t get grounded any more. They merely “hit social speed bumps.”

Christmas Invitation
Please accept with no obligation,implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious,socially responsible, low stress,non-addictive, gender neutral,celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious orsecular traditions at all …
and a fiscally successful,personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year _______, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great,(not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability,religious faith, choice of computer platform,or sexual preference of the wishee.
– DISCLAIMER OF WARRANTABILITY –
(By accepting this greeting,you are accepting these terms.This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion ofthe wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting,whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)

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