At the age of 30, it’s sad to have peers who have already passed on.
Recently, I looked through my email contact book and saw a deceased friend’s email address. Something within me turned solemn. This was not the first time it happened. Everytime I scroll through my contact book to look for email addresses, I would pass that email address and the same feeling would come.
Also not too long ago, I stumbled upon a note written to me by another deceased friend. The same… pain, longing, whatever you call it… flooded within me.
I cannot bear to delete the email address or throw the note away… simply because I do not want to forget these people. I have sweet memories of being with them.
I looked at all the other email addresses and all the other notes written by friends who are still alive and very much enjoying their lives… no feelings leh.
I suddenly realised a deeper significance of the Holy Communion. I always took it as yes… it’s a rememberance of Jesus and all that He has done. But the feeling is different from the feeling I get at looking at a dead friends’ messages.
I asked my husband why I didnt feel the same way with the Holy Communion. He said… of course… God is after all, invisible to us latter day believers. But it definitely would have meant a whole lot more to His disciples. Imagine each time the disciples saw, tasted, touched and smelt bread and wine… it stirs up within them a solemn pain, a longing, an ache. And they would definitely want to always have access to bread and wine so that they could remember Jesus… just like the way I do not delete the email address or throw the note away… so that I can remember my friends.
From now on, Holy Communion has a slightly expanded meaning for me. Even though I may not feel the same as looking at the email address or the personal note, I understand it’s meaning and it’s impact on Jesus’ disciples during His time. The Holy Communion should be a time to long for and be solemn in memory of Christ’s death.