It’s been a long time since I stepped into a nursing home or old folks’ home.
Today’s visit brings back many memories of past deaths… and how each person lived his/her last days.
All, if not most, became a burden to the living. Organs fail. The worst of all is the brain… growing dim, demented; the will to live… lost.
My “lao yi” from the mother’s side and my “lao yi” from my father’s side coincidentally share very very similar lives. Strong and intelligent women with admirable fighting spirits.
My paternal lao yi’s husband was involved with guerillas during the establishment of Singapore and got deported. She painstakingingly worked for others to bring her children up to only have one child survive past childhood. In the end, she lives alone becos she could not get along with her daughter-in-law.
My maternal lao yi’s husband got killed in WW2. She washed for others to bring up her one and only son who became a part of the Parisan Socialis and was imprisoned for going against the establishing party. Today, she lives in a nursing home becos she could not get along with her daughter-in-law.
These women whom I once look up to turn out to be women very disillusioned about life. But who can blame them?
There must be so many more of such people in Singapore… and millions and billions more in this world…. and everyday… new versions of them are being created by war and poverty.
The countries that are going through turmoil now… struggling for freedom/independence…. struggling to stabalise… if they continue to be so… actually… im not too concerned. For these ppl fight and have strong willpower.
It’s when they finally achieve stabalisation (like singapore)… this is when the pain in their hearts turn into bitterness, and their will to live fade. They look back and find all that they were fighting for… meaningless.
All they ask is for God to take them away. They may or may not believe in God, but they want to leave this world.
My own paternal grandparents are a very unique couple amongst those who died. They never wanted to die. Even on their dying bed, they hold on to life.
It was only when i told my grandma that if she believed in Jesus, she need not be afraid of death… that she drew her last breath.
My grandpa is still holding on. He has held on for more than a year. And im pretty sure he might go as long as 2 more years. For him, reminding him abt Jesus is tricky cos he is deaf, lost his ability to speak, lost his memory and has become incoherent. I just pray that Jesus would speak to him in the spirit.
Such things make u question God again.
In a way, u know the reasons why the world is what it is. But the suffering I see is sometimes very unbearable and at time, unacceptable. And all these suffering is witnessed in affluent Singapore. I cannot imagine seeing the people who are worse off in other lands.
Why are churches hording their people? Send!!! Send!!! SEND!!!